Monday, July 22, 2013

Sit in the Uncomfortableness

Looks ~Havoc-elite

In one of our final classes for Life Coaching certification we practiced a powerful exercise around helping a client through getting an apology from someone from their past who isn't willing or able to give them the apology the client needs. This exercise was more powerful than I could have imagined and I could understand why it would be necessary for anyone feeling stuck in life. It was surprisingly simple and required little to no detail from the client in order to facilitate the process which was also a pleasant surprise, (not everyone wants to share details).

When we started the exercise we began simply by facing our surrogate (the Coach) and "client" and we were given very few details about how the process would go so after the first portion my partner and I kind of looked at each other like, "What now?" and as I started to ask the instructor the question he stopped me and said, "Just sit in the uncomfortableness, Micah." My internal dialogue was racing because I understood the power of those words and what his intention was when he spoke them and also could hear in my mind how I would rationalize my reason for asking so as to not look foolish.

Ever since that moment I have heard my instructor's voice booming in my head like the voice of God in any and every possible situation that could be uncomfortable for me but necessary for a healing process and I have decided that I may hear his voice in my head in these types of situations for the rest of my life.

This has had me thinking about how much time and energy we spend in avoiding pain and discomfort which is interesting because if we just faced our pain, owned why we were feeling it, took responsibility in our role in it and made the conscious decision to determine how much we were willing to suffer over it, then we would spend less time in pain or discomfort than we do avoiding it. To explain what I mean, let me give you two examples that pop into my head right away:
  1. Avoiding Love - I have done video blogs and posted them with blogs on my website about Love Avoidants and how Love Addicts can occasionally behave like a Love Avoidant and as a recovering Love Addict I feel baffled at how much time and energy goes into wanting love but being so afraid of it you push love away once you find it as if it will hurt less for it to end sooner over and over and over again as opposed to diving in and truly exploring what love really is, what it truly feels like, and all the yummy goodness that goes with committing to one person for a while along with what we are willing to live with and compromise when committed to someone else. 

Relationships aren't always pretty but it is in the uncomfortable and painful moments when we have the opportunity to truly connect with another person even more or have any questions about your love (or relationship) answered. Those tough moments prove what a person is truly made of; it's in these moments that we are most raw and exposed and it may not always be pretty but what comes from it can be more beautiful than anything we would've previously imagined, even if it's as simple as a stronger sense of self.

    2. Going to the Doctor - Can you imagine how less frequently people would go to the doctor if they went to the root of why they were feeling the way they felt? Don't get me wrong, I believe that going to the doctor is critical in many circumstances but the more I have learned practiced, and experienced complimentary / alternative medicine the better I feel. I feel more confident, my health is improving, I'm more clear about who I am and what I have to offer and I see countless examples of other people taking responsibility for their health and lives every single day.

Pain in our body is like a weed in our garden, we can trim it, spray it, do whatever we want to in order to avoid looking at these unsightly weeds but without getting to the root the weed will just keep finding other ways to grow. Pain in our body that gets ignored, avoided, buried and covered up will just move to another spot or grow even bigger. When we don't process our emotions, (including pain), in a healthy way it gets stored in our body and stays there until it becomes chronic or even a dis/ease like a heart condition or cancer.

We spend so much time and energy trying to control the outcomes of any given situation that we forget we have more control over ourselves and how we feel than anything else there is and when we ignore that we surrender any and all of our control to circumstances and pain whether it's real, imagined, past, or future. So I ask you, what is more difficult, sitting in the uncomfortableness of pain when it first shows up, being present with it and even asking for help facing it and moving through it at your own pace? Or avoiding it and allowing it to build up until it becomes a regret or a dis/ease?