Being Your Job

Simon Sinek helped change my attitude. Here's how:

When I was at my steady job last night there was one particular hour that got exceptionally busy. The top of each hour and sometimes the half hour are called 'flips' because this is when all the rooms can potentially open as one massage ends and another massage is being prepped to begin. However many rooms a clinic has means that many clients coming out as the same amount are simultaneously going in. Managing the flow of this time is critical to for the most therapeutic experience to every guest and I take it very seriously. One client took notice and as I juggled multiple clients and directed them to their appropriate therapists while answering questions from all fronts this client pointed out how amazed he was at how I was handling everything that was happening in what was really a matter of seconds.

The next hour came and this same client checked out with me and brought to my attention again how amazed he was at how I had handled the influx of client and therapist dilemmas, navigated significant concerns and made each person feel valued, even if I had to let them know they would get my undivided attention as soon as I helped clients and therapists connect. Everything was chaotically smooth. I thanked the client for noticing and I lightly passed it off something I learned to do early since I had worked in medical my entire life and since I started working after school at 14 in a medical office I thrived in environments that require quick-thinking, triage skills and optimum client and patient care.

This morning I woke up still thinking about this client and how he was so impressed watching me that he mentioned AFTER his hour session went by. This means he was thinking about it during a session for HIM. Then I signed in to Facebook to see this video in my Facebook feed by Simon Sinek addressing the quote I took a screen shot of and shared above. I remember when he shared this quote and I remembered feeling defensive but something shifted in me regardless and after listening to his idealistic explanation I figured it out...

If you don't love your jobA little video to comment on the quote I posted last week - “If you don’t plan on doing your job forever, than why are you doing it now?"

After this quote I chose to step into my role at work in a more grateful way. Instead of resenting the fact that I no longer made what I did before the economy crashed I am grateful I have a job and a manager that cares about being a leader so I decided to ask him for more coaching and as a true leader he jumped at the chance. My sales numbers have been higher than they've been since I've worked there for 2.5 years. I enjoy BEing at work every day and after watching this video I realized it's because this quote helped me realize that I have the choice to BE who I am wherever I work.

My goal is to work with all sizes of companies to be available help any employee going through various types of crisis, ideally as part of a Wellness Program the company plans on creating or has already. My manager has even made comments that he knows when I show up to work because he hears the conversations shift to asking for guidance on a significant dilemma someone is going through. From Millennials to Baby Boomers my co-workers all see me the same and refer to time with me as "therapy". My co-workers can truly 'show up' to do their work once they've had the opportunity to process something painful they are going through or get a fresh perspective on a frustration they have from work or not. They feel a sense of calm and peace after visiting with me for a few minutes and then we step into our assigned roles and everyone's numbers improve and the bottom line does too. When I work at different clinics I get messages asking when I will be back to their clinic because they miss me.

You see, as I decided to own where I'm at right now with a sense of gratitude and seeing it as an opportunity to become better at whatever it was I needed to be 'better' at, I began working on my dream in the process. Working on my ultimate goal has shifted my mentality so significantly that I am clear not only on what I want to do with the rest of my life but how I am able to start TODAY. The client noticing that I thrive in high pressure, that I can remain grounded in a crisis and remain incredibly focused and efficient in chaos and make sure that every single person I interact with leaves feeling heard, validated, and cared for only solidified that. Even if, on the outside - my title - isn't the job I plan on doing forever, HOW I do my job, being consistent in WHO I am when I'm at work or not, and WHY I show up the way I do every single day means that ultimately I AM doing what I plan on doing the rest of my life.

Makeup, Mercury Retrograde and the Lessons They Bring

Boundless by ineedchemicalx

I have been having some intense dreams for the past few weeks and have been weepy for even longer. I didn't realize Mercury was going retrograde, I just felt like my subconscious was trying to work out something really intense. I felt as though I was stuck trying to make sense of it all though, I needed help connecting the dots and making whatever this was move in a productive and healing way. I didn't even care what it was as long as I could learn and grow from it. I needed relief.

After another tedious night of disturbing night terrors and wading through massive floods I reached out to my fellow community of practitioners for feedback and ideas on what could help me move this gunk that felt like it was drowning me with my tears when I was awake and my flooded dreams when I was asleep. The loving and compassionate responses began to help me pull out of my funk. The biggest thing I noticed though was that a LOT of people were feeling very similarly to me. We discussed shared feelings of being stuck, wondering why we haven't gotten further in life, grieving something (or someone), major changes that we are trying to adjust to... You name it and we all seemed to be feeling it. One of the messages I received privately was from a woman who had known abusive relationships before, had battled cancer (unlike me), and now did Coaching around dreams. She helped me understand so much about my flooded dreams in just one message those dreams stopped that night. Watching a classic movie (I Love You Again) that made me laugh probably helped me sleep better too. :)

The morning was May 18th, 2015; the first day of Mercury Retrograde - although I hadn't realized it yet. I slept a little better although the dreams were more complex and vivid. The one thing I did take away from my dreams that night was that I was afraid to face myself... OR there was something keeping me from being honest and authentic to myself. Determined to figure out what this all these dreams were trying to tell/show me I decided to go to work without makeup on.

Now I know this doesn't sound like a big deal to most of you but to help you understand how serious this decision was for me try to understand that I was first employed in October 1989 and I have never EVER gone to work without makeup on. I had such anxiety my heart was racing all morning. This was a type of vulnerability I had never attempted before. Only since my current relationship began over three years ago did I feel brave enough to go out in public without makeup on and that would be a quick errand to the grocery store. I have a partner that tells me all the time how beautiful I am without it and practically begs me to go without it more often but my fears are more powerful than his words of encouragement. I'm pretty sure he finds it maddening. He was confident I was going to break down and put makeup on but I didn't, I braved it!

Here's what I learned from one day at work without makeup:

1. The number of strangers that ignore you, check you out, and look at you with any other variety of emotion does not change.
2. When someone who is used to seeing me everyday with makeup on laughs at me and tells me I look tired and offers me coffee all day it actually makes me feel prouder of myself, not ashamed.
3. I may not be as brave without the encouragement of others, like my young and beautiful little co-worker who mentioned to me more than once how good I look without makeup and I have nothing to worry about. Like she said, "You're pale but you're pale either way so who cares?!" Haha. I liked that perspective from my little feisty and much younger Latina friend.
4. Last but most importantly, I heard my mother and her mother (who even wore foundation on her neck and sometimes her décolletage) in my head all day. I heard what I was told growing up (or basically what I interpreted from what I was told), expressions like, 'You have to always wear makeup so your man doesn't tire of you or cheat on you', 'opportunities happen for women who take care of themselves'. 

 I had to face all the programming I had about my self-worth based on my looks. I had to face all the people that influenced it from the fears of the women in my life, to the kids that would tease and bully me as a child to the relationship I had in the past where I was lucky to only be called Casper when I had makeup on. All these people had trained me to fear showing my face, my REAL face, as if it was something to be ashamed of. The voice of one man who loves me now could not drown out all the voices from my past; I had to do that for myself.

Without realizing it, I had began Mercury Retrograde facing one of my oldest, deepest and arguably, maybe one of my most superficial fears. After my first consultation with the coach I mentioned earlier I realized that what I did that day was probably one of the most loving things I could have done for myself. I love makeup, it keeps me from nervously touching and picking at my face and it's one of the few really feminine things I get a lot of joy out of doing but I learned that I don't NEED it. I wear makeup when I respect myself, take pride in myself and want to amplify what I see in the mirror. Now I can go without makeup whenever I want to and feel those exact same things! I wear the makeup, it doesn't wear me. I don't have to hide behind or allow it to define me and going without doesn't make me any more or less of a beautiful woman.

Does any of this have to do with Mercury Retrograde? Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter? Not really. When it's time to face things and begin to change old patterns and get the courage to face old fears then it's just time. If the cosmos, universe, planets, or whatever happens to support you in that moment or even helps facilitate it then so be it. Awareness is key - in all things. None of things have to define you but they can help guide you into getting closer to being and living authentically.

For a dash of added bravery, I took a selfie before work sans makeup. EEK!

When Caring Goes Bad

It's time for a Facebook and overall social media cleanse, my denial is over...

More than once this past week I have heard different people who care about me point out, (in person), that I have a habit of caring too much about what other people think. Now this has always been an issue with me having been raised to believe that everyone pays attention and everyone will notice if you screw up and no one cares when you're doing things right. I grew up in quite a paranoid environment and then I married into one and the cycle continued.

As I have been stripped of everything I once used to identify or label myself all of my old ideas and beliefs have been challenged and/or stripped away as well. I have suffered a lot of grief over this past summer as I grieved the person I once knew, a person formed by the opinions, threats, and guilt trips of others, and realized that I had to be all alone with myself which was quite frankly, a very horrifying thought mainly because I didn't know who that was... Actually, that's not true, I always have known but I have never EVER been given the opportunity to express it. Ok, that's a cop-out, I have never taken the opportunity to express it, not completely; not until 2009 when I left my marriage did I really begin to explore who I was apart from other people's ideas, beliefs, and expectations of me and force myself to live accordingly and subsequently I lost everything I could possibly use to form my identity including time with my child.

This week I saw my brother for the first time in a long while and was able to feel connected to my roots again, my original tribe, and it felt so good. It felt good to hear him speak about his passions and to have him listen to me about my frustrations with where I'm at in my process and how badly I want to be there for people going through similar challenges I have faced and as I poured my heart out he simply responded, (as though he was a Life Coach too), "It sounds to me that everything you're saying is what you need right now. You need to give yourself permission to grieve everything you've lost and every painful discovery you have made. You have permission from the people who matter but you need to give yourself permission." In that moment I felt as though a heavy and dark cloak was lifted from me and it was so simple I had over-thought it. I shared this story with my partner the next morning and he smiled and said, "You do have permission, honey... go ahead and cry now." Naturally he had to be a little smug about how supportive he is capable of being. But you know what? My mind finally slowed down.

Only over the past couple of days of just sitting with my grief, acknowledging it for what it is and giving myself permission to do so did I also realize that I have been in denial over how strongly I have held on to things that I shouldn't be hanging on to anymore. Most likely this has been out of fear of losing more in my life after being so angry for what has already been taken from me, (and yes, I realize things can always be worse but that doesn't make my or anyone else's emotions any less valid), so I have clung to things, people, experiences, etc. This fear has kept me distracted and avoidant, consumed with things that really don't have to matter that much.

I refuse to say that I'm letting go of what no longer "serves me" because I believe it is the height of arrogance to say any person, thing, or experience should ever SERVE ME; I literally feel pain in my gut when I hear that expression. I will say this however, there are things I have hung on to, activities, experiences and people that make me feel drained, the reasons are moot and I couldn't explain it completely if I tried but I don't have to. There are things, people, and activities that enhance our life or help us sustain it but we all have a choice as to what we choose to participate in and if something drains us, mind, body, or spirit, or we know there are people out there that don't really care for us, then why hang on to any of those things? Why fight and try to continue to matter or find meaning to a person, a job, or an experience that isn't willing to offer the same opportunity in return? Not that we are owed anything but there comes a point where we just keep spinning our wheels over something and for what?

I racked up quite the friend count on Facebook. I had two profiles for a while because I was paid to help people network online and build their social media presence. I don't do that anymore and the very thought of it makes me cringe. Now I have a Facebook account full of people I met only once and even a few people I don't know at all and I don't really know why anymore; isn't this what Fan Pages are for or LinkedIn? I have a Facebook Fan Page and if anyone was really interested in where my business is going to go or what I have to offer they would follow it, right? Other than that, I see no reason to hang on to online "friendships" that amount only to me "Liking" or commenting someone's posts or shares out of sincere appreciation or interest only to feel like crap that so many people don't seem to offer the same not only to me but to anyone else. And if this is making me feel as though I have to keep some kind of mental tally then how healthy can that possibly be for me?! I'm sure they don't think about it that hard... But the fact is, I do. I am not on Facebook as much as I used to be and I keep missing really meaningful things shared by people I talk to regularly, people who care about me as much as I care about them online or off. So for me, it's time to clean my online house. I'm heading in a completely different direction and I plan on walking my talk by staying connected to the people who make me feel connected and vice-versa. My "friend" collection that I selfishly accumulated will take a serious hit but it's time to be selfish in a much healthier way. I'm quite sure no one will really notice anyway. And yes, this is that big of a deal to me.

Sneaking Shoes

red shoesby ~princess-of-dream

As a girl I would love to slide my feet in other people's shoes and imagine I was that person for the few seconds I wore their shoes. I imagined their stories, I felt their heart soar with joy and break when they were in pain. I felt as though I could really feel what it was like to be them if only for a moment. 

Now I'm grown and I hold on to that yearning to honor the people I meet but instead of stealing time with their shoes I have learned the kind of work that not only honors the story their mind and bodies hold but empowers them to heal and become the people they dream of being.

Only sometimes will my toes sneak a peek into someone else's shoes... Only someone near and dear...

When Patterns Become Clear

Patternsby ~Kaeldra-1

     In this moment I am becoming much more confident that I am going in the direction of my dreams. I am also becoming much more clear on what "grace unfolding" actually means and feels like. It's moments like this that inspired this blog because I am not the only person that goes through these feelings and experiences and it is in times like this we can feel most alone... I will explain...

     If you are following my YouTube channel or my Motion and Potion Relationships, Love, and Sex blogs you know that I have had the opportunity to recognize myself as a recovering Love Addict. As I sat in my Psychology of Addiction class and we discussed what different unhealthy family dynamics may look like including the addictive family type, (addiction shows up in many ways, not just in substances), I could see my entire life layed out so clearly like a complex and interweaving pattern and I understood even more the meaning behind Neo seeing the computer code in everything when he was in the Matrix.

     At first it was so exciting! I was excited to know that I recognized my unhealthy patterns and worked to break them and had gotten myself healthy, (as much as I knew how to at the time anyway, being healthy is a lifelong endeavor). I was excited to feel as though I have the opportunity for a fresh start and in understanding I was free! In seeing the ancestral pattern I knew that it would be my job to break it and teach my son the unhealthy patterns he witnessed growing up so maybe he won't have to struggle as much as so many other people do.

     Over the next few weeks however I began to realize the magnitude of the responsibility I have in not only recognizing and changing patterns of behavior that have been literally ingrained in my DNA but start from scratch with a completely clean slate. I had the awareness and power to rewrite the code but realized I had never written code before!

     Now for someone who has gone through Love Addiction and has inadvertently been defined by their relationships and careers try to imagine how frightening this realization is when it means that you have to reframe old patterns, create new and hopefully fresher patterns and do this all by yourself. As this pressure closed in on me my sleeping dreams became more vivid and reminded me of all of the people from my past that I would normally go to in order to work through something this daunting with which made me feel even more alone. So not only do I have to face changing multiple life time's worth of behavior patterns but I have to do it alone in order to not fall back into old behavior patterns that hurt not only me but the people I loved the most. Granted, it is an act of love for me to take this journey alone and not rely on others to carry me through it but that doesn't seem to make it less frightening.

     Last night I went through my own coaching session and realized that I have not been giving myself enough credit for all the work and changes I have already made on myself and in my life. I have spent a lot of time measuring my success more on what I don't have instead of what I do have. Consciously I see and can preach about the obviousness of the problem in this but on a deeper and more unconscious level I still struggle with this. TA-DA!! A new pattern emerges!! As if I didn't already have my work cut out for me, right? I also realized that in my distraction with my own stuff I began to have a convoluted way of demonstrating how much I appreciate having a man in my life willing to work outside in the Phoenix heat from sun up to sun down building his own business and supporting us both financially. My fears of not demonstrating to him how much that means to me have only made things more challenging on our relationship, not easier and once I let go of trying to prove something to me, him, or anyone else along with my idea of what that is supposed to look like and just listened to him tell me what he wants and needs from me and accept it everything was fine. Apparently being an overachiever in a relationship isn't healthy either... Who would've thunk it?!

     Thank goodness for coaching! Coaches need to be coached too! Like anyone else, we have things we need to continue to recognize, learn and grow from. It's part of practicing what we preach. No one has all the answers except YOU. That's right, we all have all the answers we need inside of us and sometimes we just need a little coaching to help dig through the crap and confusion and get straight to it. Life goes so much smoother when we give up excuses and rationalizations and just accept what we know to be true but boy oh boy is it a lot of commitment and work!