Follow Your Rage - Own Your Place in this World

I've recently realized that following your passion can leave you bewildered and overwhelmed when you have so many. The heart pounds with passion but it also pounds with fury. I'm going to follow my anger - my passionate anger. What pisses me off the most? What do I want to change more than anything? Knowing the answer to those questions makes my direction clearer than any of the 'love and light', 'what are your gifts and talents?', 'what types of things show up in sessions', and all the other warm and fuzzy suggestions I've received from well-intended individuals. Sometimes love is fierce and fueled by a deep anger that has been growing as you observe your own and other people's complacency, denial and avoidance. Today is the day to say 'NO MORE'.

When I hear women complain about a patriarchal society (or anything else that appears patriarchal) I can't help but think of how many ways women accept roles that encourage patriarchy and then they complain about men having trouble committing or being "man enough"... whatever that means. If patriarchy makes you angry then stop trying to assume the roles of men! That does NOT make a woman equal, it makes her a conformist. If you don't want to be in a patriarchal relationship then don't expect a man to "take care of you" as though you are beneath him, financially, emotionally, psychology or any of the other "_______ly's". Gender equality is about an equal exchange of support, love and appreciation. You take care of one another equally.

 I will never settle for any relationship where I am not held accountable. To be my best possible me I need people in my life that call me on my sh*t. THAT is what shows me they love me, they don't want to be "above" me or "below" me, they want to work WITH me. Relationships that are symbiotic and beneficial for both parties with healthy boundaries and clear communication are for me.

A woman's contributions to society have the privilege of morphing significantly depending on her age, whether or not she has had children and how she wants to show up in the world. As the wonderful article I posted below reminds us, women of a certain age need to be more nurturing as they raise children but how can we use any dissatisfaction in our lives at any age to fuel us and remind loving nurturers? It is possible!

STOP neglecting yourself under the guise of having to take care of other people first. Practice what you preach, show people what it means to be empowered by taking care of yourself. Martyrdom based on self-neglect and perpetuating your own victimhood has no place in anyone's life anymore. See the healer in everyone, including your children and help others learn how to heal themselves. STOP basing your self-worth on other people's pain and drama. SHOW them the light they struggle to find, hold it for them when they are tired but don't ever, EVER take it from them or assume you are the only person that can help them with their light. Allow others to embrace what pains them, makes them angry and show them how to channel that into something powerful. And please, do not allow anything outside of yourself make you question your value. Accept challenges and allow them to peel away more layers of unnecessary fears.

Now is the time for me to crack myself open without fear and surround myself with people who are willing to do the same. Now is the time to love the things that piss me off because those are the things that show me where I can make a difference. I feel that part of my value is based on my ability to love myself and others and when I'm angry it's because I see where love is lacking, either for self or others.

Complacency, denial, victimhood, complaining, avoidance and unhealthy relationships, thoughts and behaviors are all unhealthy fear based patterns that hold us back and are cowardly excuses to not step up and make a difference. Are your desires based on what things piss you off and what you KNOW you can do to change it? Or are your desires based on avoiding truly connecting with yourself or others creating faux relationships and feeding addictive patterns? I believe anyone who is honest about the answer already knows their worth and doesn't need me to say anymore.

If you want to feel as fired up as I do, read: Rising Into The Storm: Women Who Burst Open with Age.

Sneaking Shoes

red shoesby ~princess-of-dream

As a girl I would love to slide my feet in other people's shoes and imagine I was that person for the few seconds I wore their shoes. I imagined their stories, I felt their heart soar with joy and break when they were in pain. I felt as though I could really feel what it was like to be them if only for a moment. 

Now I'm grown and I hold on to that yearning to honor the people I meet but instead of stealing time with their shoes I have learned the kind of work that not only honors the story their mind and bodies hold but empowers them to heal and become the people they dream of being.

Only sometimes will my toes sneak a peek into someone else's shoes... Only someone near and dear...

Transform the Expectation of Transformation

I don't know about you but whenever I see or hear about 'Transformation' I see amazing before and after weight loss photos or am blasted with inspirational quotes and ethereal images.

The Transformationby *shhhmeow

We think of butterflies emerging from their cocoons and gracing earth with their beauty as they dutifully pollinate the earth. The thing is, butterflies have the luxury of staying in their (seemingly) safe cocoon while their transformation happens and I have to wonder, do they know that they are born to transform? That question leads me to the next one, do humans know that they will eventually transform?

On some level every person has experienced transformation, at least if they have experienced the glory of puberty. I'm sure I'm not the only person who found that phase of my life awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe puberty was the inspiration for the Little Mermaid... As much as we dream about how amazing it would be to be a grown-up, once we are we find ourselves missing the times when we didn't have the responsibilities of a grown-up... at least I do anyway. Trading our fins and tail for legs isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The Transformationby *elotta

Then we grow up and something happens in our life, either it's something we aren't satisfied with in our life or circumstances beyond our control are thrust upon us and we have to make changes to ourselves and sometimes even our external lives. I was one of those people who had a life that had grown to be beyond unsatisfactory. My marriage was more than toxic and I had become the darkest possible version of myself, I was someone I never believed I was capable of being. I didn't like who I was becoming and I didn't want my young son to continue knowing nothing but the environment he was growing up in. I wanted my son to learn that even as a grown-up there are consequences to certain behaviors. After 14 years of marriage I left for the third and final time and the things that gave me the strength to do that would probably surprise and shock you.

Leaving my marriage was not the beginning of my transformation though; I hit rock bottom before that but I didn't know what to do or where to go, I was lost and felt trapped and right about that time a woman that belonged to the same religious organization that I did at the time offered support on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. She introduced me to Healing Touch Therapies, primarily Craniosacral Therapy and the science behind it. She was not a New Age guru, nor did she proclaim to be a "healer", she just understood the science of the healing modalities that she practiced. She had survived cancer only by leaving America and going to Greece to learn alternative ways of healing after American doctors refused to help her and told her she was going to die. Through her I learned the power of our own minds and bodies and the gift we all have within us to heal ourselves from sickness and trauma and without having to compromise your spiritual belief system or relationship with God, the Universe, Spirit, the Divine, (or whatever word offers you most comfort), but channeling it within yourself first. Religion has confused what spirituality really is... but that's another discussion for another day...

Regardless of our beliefs, we have that power within us but it isn't easy and all too often, especially in the thick of change and hardship, we want to just give up. My transformation process truly began around 2005 and I am only recently accepting that it will never truly end. I have also recently realized that I'm not the only person who sometimes feels like giving up, like everything is just too hard, and if one more thing changes... The past couple of years have had their blessings, to be sure, but the things I have been through have made me feel like a bird keeps pecking at my cocoon and to top it off, the personal work I have had to do on myself has felt like this: 

We may reminisce about how comfortable certain aspects of our life were before and long to just go back to what was familiar but we know deep down we wouldn't be comfortable there anymore.

Maybe I'll be the butterfly soon and I can flit and float around pollinating the earth with my good will but for now, I'm working on appreciating the opportunity to start my life over, regardless of everything I've lost; it means I have room to start over with a clean slate! Right?