Being Your Job

Simon Sinek helped change my attitude. Here's how:

When I was at my steady job last night there was one particular hour that got exceptionally busy. The top of each hour and sometimes the half hour are called 'flips' because this is when all the rooms can potentially open as one massage ends and another massage is being prepped to begin. However many rooms a clinic has means that many clients coming out as the same amount are simultaneously going in. Managing the flow of this time is critical to for the most therapeutic experience to every guest and I take it very seriously. One client took notice and as I juggled multiple clients and directed them to their appropriate therapists while answering questions from all fronts this client pointed out how amazed he was at how I was handling everything that was happening in what was really a matter of seconds.

The next hour came and this same client checked out with me and brought to my attention again how amazed he was at how I had handled the influx of client and therapist dilemmas, navigated significant concerns and made each person feel valued, even if I had to let them know they would get my undivided attention as soon as I helped clients and therapists connect. Everything was chaotically smooth. I thanked the client for noticing and I lightly passed it off something I learned to do early since I had worked in medical my entire life and since I started working after school at 14 in a medical office I thrived in environments that require quick-thinking, triage skills and optimum client and patient care.

This morning I woke up still thinking about this client and how he was so impressed watching me that he mentioned AFTER his hour session went by. This means he was thinking about it during a session for HIM. Then I signed in to Facebook to see this video in my Facebook feed by Simon Sinek addressing the quote I took a screen shot of and shared above. I remember when he shared this quote and I remembered feeling defensive but something shifted in me regardless and after listening to his idealistic explanation I figured it out...

If you don't love your jobA little video to comment on the quote I posted last week - “If you don’t plan on doing your job forever, than why are you doing it now?"

After this quote I chose to step into my role at work in a more grateful way. Instead of resenting the fact that I no longer made what I did before the economy crashed I am grateful I have a job and a manager that cares about being a leader so I decided to ask him for more coaching and as a true leader he jumped at the chance. My sales numbers have been higher than they've been since I've worked there for 2.5 years. I enjoy BEing at work every day and after watching this video I realized it's because this quote helped me realize that I have the choice to BE who I am wherever I work.

My goal is to work with all sizes of companies to be available help any employee going through various types of crisis, ideally as part of a Wellness Program the company plans on creating or has already. My manager has even made comments that he knows when I show up to work because he hears the conversations shift to asking for guidance on a significant dilemma someone is going through. From Millennials to Baby Boomers my co-workers all see me the same and refer to time with me as "therapy". My co-workers can truly 'show up' to do their work once they've had the opportunity to process something painful they are going through or get a fresh perspective on a frustration they have from work or not. They feel a sense of calm and peace after visiting with me for a few minutes and then we step into our assigned roles and everyone's numbers improve and the bottom line does too. When I work at different clinics I get messages asking when I will be back to their clinic because they miss me.

You see, as I decided to own where I'm at right now with a sense of gratitude and seeing it as an opportunity to become better at whatever it was I needed to be 'better' at, I began working on my dream in the process. Working on my ultimate goal has shifted my mentality so significantly that I am clear not only on what I want to do with the rest of my life but how I am able to start TODAY. The client noticing that I thrive in high pressure, that I can remain grounded in a crisis and remain incredibly focused and efficient in chaos and make sure that every single person I interact with leaves feeling heard, validated, and cared for only solidified that. Even if, on the outside - my title - isn't the job I plan on doing forever, HOW I do my job, being consistent in WHO I am when I'm at work or not, and WHY I show up the way I do every single day means that ultimately I AM doing what I plan on doing the rest of my life.

Pursuit of Self-Acceptance

"When I accept myself, I am freed of the burden of needing you to accept me." 

~ Dr. Steve Maraboli

When we journey into ourselves for whatever reason, to improve our health, wellness, spirituality or for greater understanding and empathy for ourselves and others we begin to reference a lot of interactions with other people as mirroring. It can help us learn and grow when we ponder people or circumstances that seem to make us feel something extreme. The idea that if we see what is being reflected at us that makes us feel triggered in some way, (regardless of whether we perceive it as "good" or "bad"), often causes us to believe or feel that we can find resolution around something within our selves that we may be suppressing, denying, battling, or even allowing to control us (patterns). Often times this also comes up when we feel a deep connection or resonance with someone else and what intrigues us about them is quite possibly something we want to delve deeper into within ourselves so we choose to invest in this other person on some level because we see them almost as a means to our own greater and deeper wisdom and quite possibly a deeper sense of self-acceptance. It can be easy to forget that something familiar in someone else doesn't necessarily equate to a healthy relationship, regardless of the type of relationship. Sometimes familiar is an unhealthy pattern we can relate to and have related back to us. Two unhealthy patterns joining rarely grow into healthier patterns.

The process of self-discovery is a seductive one and we can become so enamored with it that it becomes more of a cycle and less of what its original intention was when we decided to begin the journey. In one of my Cranial Sacral therapy classes a couple of my instructors would remind us, almost as a way of preparing and cautioning us, that people can become addicted to their own process. This is profoundly real. We can strive so hard and develop such an intense longing to accept ourselves that we pursue anything that reflects something in us that we want to explore no matter how much awareness we already have around it. We become seduced by our reflection in others and begin to rely so heavily on what we see in someone else's eyes - even spirit or sense of self - that we begin to lose ourselves in them (if only for a moment or long-term). This, I believe, is the 'burden' stated in the quote above. The burden is simply the amount of importance and value we place on others to reflect what we want to see (or feel), light or dark, good or bad, so we can explore ourselves from a safe distance and not really ever have to BE with ourselves. Instead we avoid our true selves further, distancing ourselves from our own ability to accept who we are without the attachment to defining this "thing" or experience as "good" or "bad", light or shadow; becoming distracted by the attachment of longing to define ourselves and find validation outside ourselves. Remaining a victim to the self-perpetuated cycle and drama of the ongoing search, ignoring what we already have.

To me, it's radical self-acceptance to see those reflections, feel those connections, notice the triggers and BE with them without becoming seduced, entranced and distracted by them because those moments are when we can be the least accepting of ourselves. It also means that we can see our desirable traits and our less desirable ones, our light and shadow, talents and challenges and witness them as they show up and dance with one another in our everyday life. We can sit as observers and at the end of each day we can note what things we want to enhance within ourselves and what opportunities we were shown to help us there. Then we can wake up each morning with a fresh intention and a rebirth, accepting ourselves free from the burden of wondering who we want (perceived need) to find to help us accept who we are as well as becoming free of the fear of what happens when we meet someone that intrigues or triggers us in a powerful way.

These interactions do have value but it's how desperate our longing to attach meaning (our identity) to them and how consumed we become by them that becomes more defining and even defeating as opposed to love and acceptance of self. Time invested in exploring ourselves through others compared to time alone - comfortable, without the need for distractions, entertainment or another person speaks volumes on your level of self-acceptance. No one else can give that to you. We don't need anyone's permission to accept who we are except permission from our selves. Do you give yourself permission to accept who you are today, right now in this moment? Are you willing to look in the proverbial mirror reflected in your interactions with others free of attachment to any specific outcome but merely as a witness, reflecting on what you observe when you make time to be alone at the end of the day?

What if we replaced the word "happiness" in the following quote to "self-acceptance"?

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." ~ Henry David Thoreau

Then perhaps you won't be one of the people Thoreau references when he says, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

When is it altruism and when is it just showing off?

For Cinco de Mayo I took myself to the Phoenix Art Museum for the last day of an exhibit I was anxious to see, (an article about that will be posted next week on Examiner). As I sat in the cafe, Palette I overheard someone say, "Is it really a good deed if you tell everyone?" I love that question and I have been pondering it ever since.

Then on May 8 Charles Ramsey was interviewed for rescuing 3 missing women, two of whom were missing for 8-10 years and the video quickly went viral but it wasn't only viral because this man was deemed a hero but also because so many people were making fun of him including TMZ who makes its fortune on the misfortune of others... but that's another subject for another day. Here's the video and when you watch it, I'm curious what your thoughts are:

 Altruism has always been a tricky subject for me to wrap my mind around and it didn't help my confusion when I fell for a man who would do nice things for people and then talk about how he believes it's something he should do, almost to the point of bragging. It didn't matter what the opportunity was but when he saw the opportunity to do a good deed he would not only act on it but discuss it after the fact. There were enough moments of genuine goodness and kindness that he offered people to keep me hooked and he always recognized beauty in others and this was a reason I fell for him. The frustration I had with him lied in the distinction between feeling as though an act of kindness should be done based on what could potentially be gained for the act, external influences, societal views, who's watching, etc. or if it was being done because he wanted to offer a genuine compliment or do good solely for the sake of helping someone in need and the joy it brings regardless of whether someone else knows or not, free of expectation of any kind of return on the investment.

By its definition altruism is an unselfish regard for the welfare of others but by its very nature altruism can be so self-fulfilling and so self-nurturing that you want to sing it from the rooftops! Does this in turn make you selfish for enjoying the benefits? I suppose this is where intention comes to play; if someone's initial intention is more for the good of others; to be of service for a greater and higher good, then that is true altruism and the warm fuzzies you get after are an added bonus. The pleasure center of our brain responds the most when something is more pleasant than expected, more Dopamine is released in our brain, so it seems to me that if we practice altruism with little to no expectation we will literally FEEL better then if we do good deeds because we think it will make a good impression on others or we expect to gain something from it; we may still get the Dopamine release but it won't be near the level of pleasure as it would when we limit our expectations. This way we also leave little room for disappointment. I suppose the people who make fun of the happy altruist are the ones who don't truly know the feeling.

I took the volunteer orientation for UMOM and I'm really excited about helping other people who are homeless since I have experienced homelessness. Does my excitement make my intentions any less altruistic if I'm eager to learn more from that environment? I would like to think not, especially since so many people helped me when I was in that same position. What about you? Do you practice regular acts of altruism as a way of nurturing your spirit? Or have you been the recipient of a good deed?

Lessons Offered in a Bus Ride

My Grandma Loved Motorcycles!

 A petite elderly woman boarded the bus today and for a split second I saw my grandmother. All I could really make out were soft but distinct lines around her mouth because just like my grandmother she was slightly hunched over, most likely from Osteoporosis, and she too took great care in protecting herself from the sun with sunglasses, a small straw hat, an ankle length loose fitted gray skirt, and a long sleeved teal top.

As the woman sat carefully in front of me I felt as though my grandmother had sat down in front of me; I was a little girl again and I was staring at her in wonder of her ability to always channel strength in the face of hardships. I remembered watching her, waiting for her to break out in giggles over pretty much anything; her face would squish up and she would have a soft cackle when she laughed which was often. No matter what was happening she always kept her sense of humor and even when she was angry she was controlled and smart about it. I felt a wave of emotion wash over me as the old woman on the bus got up to sit next to me at the next stop. Was it my grandmother's way of letting me know she still has my back? Or was it God's way of reminding me that I have her gumption and moxie? Or maybe both?

Grandma trying not to giggle when she saw me taking a picture of us this way. It was a new idea for her. :)

 I got off the bus and just as I began to cross the street at the crosswalk a woman in a Mercedes slammed on her brakes to avoid hitting me after turning a corner too fast. This of course startled me as I looked at the car and only saw the desert sun bouncing off her windshield straight into my eyes. As I looked away from the car to keep walking I realized I was laughing. I wasn't hysterical of course but I had a dismissive laugh with a dash of disbelief. I could look at this two ways, either the universe isn't done testing my resolve after taking so much from me or it is reminding me of the things that aren't happening to me, things can always be worse, I know this for a fact. Regardless of which perspective I chose I felt it was a fairly clear reminder of how my sense of humor has kept me going and I'm thankful to my grandmother most of all for that.

The point of this story is twofold:

First, I wonder how much our perspectives impact everything in our lives. I know we are told that our thoughts shape our world and science is proving this to be true but how often do we take the time to really  look at that possibility in our own life? Is that why I need to be taking a bus for now? Because taking a bus and walking really forces you to see things at a real and micro level and you notice and learn things you normally wouldn't.

Second, my biggest concern is my attitude regarding how many hardships have befallen me over the past few years. When my hard drive crashed the other day I was angry but I was almost more angry at how little it seemed to affect me. I have experienced so much hardship that one more thing that would have devastated me a year ago barely got to me. Is this because I'm getting comfortable with loss and hardship? Because that is something I REALLY don't want to get comfortable with. OR is it because I know that whatever happens I'm going to keep going? Is my perspective being tested? Is that why my treasured grandmother visited me today? To offer her moxie?

Food for thought, I suppose.

Transform the Expectation of Transformation

I don't know about you but whenever I see or hear about 'Transformation' I see amazing before and after weight loss photos or am blasted with inspirational quotes and ethereal images.

The Transformationby *shhhmeow

We think of butterflies emerging from their cocoons and gracing earth with their beauty as they dutifully pollinate the earth. The thing is, butterflies have the luxury of staying in their (seemingly) safe cocoon while their transformation happens and I have to wonder, do they know that they are born to transform? That question leads me to the next one, do humans know that they will eventually transform?

On some level every person has experienced transformation, at least if they have experienced the glory of puberty. I'm sure I'm not the only person who found that phase of my life awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe puberty was the inspiration for the Little Mermaid... As much as we dream about how amazing it would be to be a grown-up, once we are we find ourselves missing the times when we didn't have the responsibilities of a grown-up... at least I do anyway. Trading our fins and tail for legs isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The Transformationby *elotta

Then we grow up and something happens in our life, either it's something we aren't satisfied with in our life or circumstances beyond our control are thrust upon us and we have to make changes to ourselves and sometimes even our external lives. I was one of those people who had a life that had grown to be beyond unsatisfactory. My marriage was more than toxic and I had become the darkest possible version of myself, I was someone I never believed I was capable of being. I didn't like who I was becoming and I didn't want my young son to continue knowing nothing but the environment he was growing up in. I wanted my son to learn that even as a grown-up there are consequences to certain behaviors. After 14 years of marriage I left for the third and final time and the things that gave me the strength to do that would probably surprise and shock you.

Leaving my marriage was not the beginning of my transformation though; I hit rock bottom before that but I didn't know what to do or where to go, I was lost and felt trapped and right about that time a woman that belonged to the same religious organization that I did at the time offered support on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. She introduced me to Healing Touch Therapies, primarily Craniosacral Therapy and the science behind it. She was not a New Age guru, nor did she proclaim to be a "healer", she just understood the science of the healing modalities that she practiced. She had survived cancer only by leaving America and going to Greece to learn alternative ways of healing after American doctors refused to help her and told her she was going to die. Through her I learned the power of our own minds and bodies and the gift we all have within us to heal ourselves from sickness and trauma and without having to compromise your spiritual belief system or relationship with God, the Universe, Spirit, the Divine, (or whatever word offers you most comfort), but channeling it within yourself first. Religion has confused what spirituality really is... but that's another discussion for another day...

Regardless of our beliefs, we have that power within us but it isn't easy and all too often, especially in the thick of change and hardship, we want to just give up. My transformation process truly began around 2005 and I am only recently accepting that it will never truly end. I have also recently realized that I'm not the only person who sometimes feels like giving up, like everything is just too hard, and if one more thing changes... The past couple of years have had their blessings, to be sure, but the things I have been through have made me feel like a bird keeps pecking at my cocoon and to top it off, the personal work I have had to do on myself has felt like this: 

We may reminisce about how comfortable certain aspects of our life were before and long to just go back to what was familiar but we know deep down we wouldn't be comfortable there anymore.

Maybe I'll be the butterfly soon and I can flit and float around pollinating the earth with my good will but for now, I'm working on appreciating the opportunity to start my life over, regardless of everything I've lost; it means I have room to start over with a clean slate! Right?